5 YEARS Ago

I just wanted to share with you something very personal.

Growing up, I had an addiction that I kept secret. It was embarrassing. It destroyed my peace and self confidence. There were times when the darkness of it just consumed my soul and I feared that I would have to struggle with it my whole life.

When Justin and I first got married, we both attended the LDS Addiction Recover Group every Wednesday for about a year and I just wanted to share my testimony of the program. I KNOW that the program is divinely inspired and that using it's principles and heavily relying on the Atonement of Jesus Christ, that any addiction can be overcome. I witnessed it in Justin's life and in my own! The change wasn't automatic and it was so subtle that I didn't fully realize the change that was happening in my heart. But a week would go by that I didn't give into my temptation, and then a month...

And now 5 YEARS later I can say that not ONCE have I given in to the enemy of my soul on this account!!! The more I resisted the evil, the more integrity I feel and it began to get easier and easier. Now, if the thought pops into my head, I tell it to GO TO HELL where it belongs. Satan no longer has that chain around me.

I am free! My Savior has liberated my soul and delivered me from the depths of hell. My heart has been FULL of gratitude for this miracle!

If I had the power to sing with all the energy of my heart and soul and show my gratitude towards my Savior for literally saving me, this would be the song that I would sing:

I Love the Lord

 I love the Lord, in Him my soul delights.
Upon His word, I ponder day and night.
He’s heard my cry, brought visions to my sleep,
And kept me safe o’er deserts and the deep.
He’s filled my heart with His consuming love,
And borne me high on wings of His great dove.

Yet oft I groan, “O wretched man am I”

My flesh is weak and I’m encompassed by

A world of sin, which holds me in it’s thrall,

If I give in and to temptations fall.

Then strength grows slack, I waste in sorrow’s vale;

My peace destroyed, my enemies prevail.

Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin.

Rejoice, my heart! And let me praise again,

The Lord my God, who is my rock and stay

To keep me strict upon His straight, plain way.

Oh let me shake at the first sight of sin

And thus escape my foes without and in.

My favorite scriptures in the Book of Mormon are in 2 Nephi 4:17-35:

17 Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great ^agoodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O ^bwretched man that I am! Yea, my heart ^csorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.

18 I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily ^abeset me.

19 And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have ^atrusted.

20 My God hath been my ^asupport; he hath led me through mine ^bafflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.

21 He hath filled me with his ^alove, even unto the ^bconsuming of my flesh.

22 He hath confounded mine ^aenemies, unto the causing of them to quake before me.

23 Behold, he hath heard my cry by day, and he hath given me ^aknowledge by ^bvisions in the night-time.

24 And by day have I waxed bold in mighty ^aprayer before him; yea, my voice have I sent up on high; and angels came down and ministered unto me.

25 And upon the wings of his Spirit hath my body been ^acarried away upon exceedingly high mountains. And mine eyes have beheld great things, yea, even too great for man; therefore I was bidden that I should not write them.

26 O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath ^avisited men in so much ^bmercy, ^cwhy should my ^dheart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?

27 And why should I ^ayield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to ^btemptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my ^cpeace and afflict my soul? Why am I ^dangry because of mine enemy?

28 Awake, my soul! No longer ^adroop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the ^benemy of my soul.

29 Do not ^aanger again because of mine enemies. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions.

30 Rejoice, O my ^aheart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the ^brock of my salvation.

31 O Lord, wilt thou ^aredeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of ^bsin?

32 May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my ^aheart is broken and my spirit is contrite! O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousness before me, that I may ^bwalk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road!

33 O Lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robe of thy ^arighteousness! O Lord, wilt thou make a way for mine escape before mine ^benemies! Wilt thou make my path straight before me! Wilt thou not place a stumbling block in my way—but that thou wouldst clear my way before me, and hedge not up my way, but the ways of mine enemy.

34 O Lord, I have ^atrusted in thee, and I will ^btrust in thee forever. I will not put my ^ctrust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his ^dtrust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.

35 Yea, I know that God will give ^aliberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ^bask ^cnot amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the ^drock of my ^erighteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen.