Not sure where to start with "announcing" this but here goes....I registered Kyra for kindergarten today.
Mixed feelings.
To be honest, I don't feel like I am doing so well mentally. Last month I went through the hardest trial, and it nearly destroyed my soul. Sounds dramatic...but no other way to say it. I feel emotionally and spiritually drained.
School started a few weeks ago, which means that I should have started homeschooling with Kyra too...but I didn't...and the mere thought of it overwhelmed the heck out of me, to the point where just thinking about it would shut me down. Pathetic, I know. I'm just not ready to jump in with both feet and I can't keep dragging Kyra down with me. She is so ready and eager to learn.
I need time to pull myself together.
The great thing is that kindergarten is for only 3 hours a day, and she can ride the bus to and from school (which before was a huge hang up for me...I did NOT want to wait in the pick up line for an hour for drop off and pick up...no thank you).
Kyra was GLOWING when I told her that she'd be going to school. She and Justin are out right now buying school supplies. :)
A huge part of me feels defeated. I so wanted to home school. I had been planning on going that route for years. You know how we are not supposed to "care what other people think"? I confess, for some reason I am really worried about what people are going to think about me with switching around like this last minute. and just to clarify, I do not think bad of people who do put their kids in public school. This was just a personal route that I wanted to go in with my family.
I feel like a quitter. I feel like I am going against the path that God wanted us to go on. Then again...I don't really know what path I am supposed to be on. I don't even know how God speaks to me...
I need to do the basics of the gospel. I **know** that God is eagerly waiting to help me and lift me up out of this darkness.
I just have to ask.
On the flip side, I still want to start educating the kids. Kyra doesn't start school until the afternoon, so we can still dedicated some time in the morning to learning. This can be our "practice" year. We'll also be doing joy school two times a week with a few people from church, so that'll be really nice.
It doesn't have to be all or nothing, right?
And can somebody please just give me a good shake and say, "IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD?"
Thanks. I'd appreciate some hard love.
For all we know, this is EXACTLY the path Father wanted you on!!
ReplyDeleteYou are the LAST person I would ever call a quitter! You rock the world every day! You inspire me and enlighten me with your posts! And you do it all with the most beautiful smile!! I LOOK UP TO YOU!
And I know you have faults because we all do... Or we wouldn't be here! Mine are most obvious if you come to my house... Lol! But those don't define you! They REfine you!!
Love you tons, lady!
IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD! ;)
ReplyDeleteSeriously - you are an awesome mom! In all honesty, even though I am "homeschooling" my 4 yr old (which is just going to the library, reading together when I find time and having him earn any video games by having him to practice handwriting and some simple math), I'll probably still send him to kindergarten. Kindergarten is pretty much fun for kids and good practice at listening to other adults and following directions. Lots of fun play time and arts and crafts, hopefully! And then you don't have to buy the finger painting supplies or glue or what have you. :) It totally doesn't have to be all or nothing! :D You can totally let this be the year to get your toes wet. I know some homeschooling moms still send their kids to Kindergarten AND first grade and then said kids appreciate the homeschooling all the more.
God loves you! You are doing awesome! So much more than you realize. Hang in there mama! Sometimes we have to cut out more to get the most out of life, right? Hugs for you! <3
Lisa...first of all...I love you! Secondly you are being WAY too hard on yourself! I am proud of you for realizing that you were overwhelmed and that now wasn't the time to start home school...that is a strong thing to do when you had a specific goal in mind. It is hard to change our minds! Also...my husband has the same problem of not knowing how God speaks to him...but even farther...he doesn't think He does speak to him. I see the ways that Heavenly Father communicates with him and share that with him as often as I can. My advice to you there would be to listen to others. Be open with close friends and family about your struggles with understanding the spirit and allow them to share how they believe the spirit may touch you and have an open mind and spirit to what they say. No matter what...you are doing the right thing for you right now. You need to take care of yourself first so your children have a sane mom to go to when they really need it. Motherhood is the hardest thing ever and I only have one child who can't even talk back yet! You are amazing. I have always felt the spirit while in your presence. STOP worrying about what other people think! Love yourself and allow yourself to make mistakes. You are wonderful.
ReplyDeleteIt's not the end of the world! Far from it :) I was home schooled off and on, and it worked out fine. Home when it was right, public school when that was right. Mostly the later years, 8th grade and all of high school.
ReplyDelete