Justin said some hard things to me, but I'll forever be thankful for his honesty and his willingness to share how he was really feeling. One thing he said that stood out to me was "I feel like you'll never be happy UNTIL..." and that hit me like a brick wall. These past few months I have only really focused on our LACK, instead of being grateful for what we HAVE. I thought I was doing that all along, but truth be told...I wasn't having an attitude of gratitude. Focusing on all the lack was causing me insane amount of anxiety and a few huge breakdowns (which always seem to happen at church...dang it!).
"We have all experienced times when our focus is on what we lack rather than on our blessings. Said the Greek philosopher Epictetus, “He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.”
"Do material possessions make us happy and grateful? Perhaps momentarily. However, those things which provide deep and lasting happiness and gratitude are the things which money cannot buy: our families, the gospel, good friends, our health, our abilities, the love we receive from those around us. Unfortunately, these are some of the things we allow ourselves to take for granted." President Thomas S. Monson
This morning I woke up with sunshine in my soul, which was a miracle with how dark and bleak I felt the night before. I decided that I was going to focus on having more gratitude in my heart...for everything!! I am going to be grateful for all of our blessings and all of our trials. I feel like I have grown LEAPS and BOUNDS this past year, especially in the last month or two. I feel like my heart is constantly being chipped away at and the layers of pride are slowly starting to peel away. The path to perfection is lengthy, and sometimes very painful, but necessary. God knows what He is doing, and I just need to calm down a bit and trust the process.
A friend of mine wrote blog post this morning and it was exactly what I needed to read (thanks Rosalind!):
One Day at a Time
The alarm on my phone goes off. I'm comfy in my bed. Outside the sun is just casting a thin purple light across the horizon of the darkened sky as the night fights the losing battle to day. It's a new day. Twenty-four hours of opportunities, chances, choices, moments, and memories. This day is solitary and unique. Once these 24 hours are over, they are gone forever. Abraham Lincoln said, "The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time." So, just live each day fully! Take life one day at a time! Easy, right?
Sometimes it feels like in my quest to take life one day at a time, one day becomes two...which becomes three...which becomes weeks or even months. That one day called in its gang of friends and completely overwhelmed me. It is in one of these never ending bad days that I get lost and vanquished to a dark place. At some point I just have to stop the unbalanced madness and get life back into perspective. I have to remind myself that I don't have to take on the entire 24 hours at once
First thing to do is to focus on one breath...then two. Fill your chest and belly. Slow your breathing which in turn slows your mind. Take deep, slow, cleansing breaths.
Next focus on one step at a time. Do whatever is the next thing you need to do...get out of bed, shower, dress, eat breakfast, go to work,take care of children, exercise...pick one task and triumphantly complete it. Then pick the next step, and the next. Feel the strength surge through you as you complete one step at a time. There is no rush! Things will get done when they get done.
Finally focus on moments...the few seconds on the yoga mat when you feel complete peace, your child's hand in yours as you walk to the park, the taste of fresh sliced juicy peaches, the cool refreshing blast of cold AC in a hot car, the clean refreshing smell of new bath wash in the shower, a hug from a loved one or friend. Living each of these moments makes time stand still but ironically speeds the day along.
Repeatedly, I've come to realize that when bad days overwhelm me, I find myself in self-preservation mode. This means I start living in my head. I forget to breath, take one step at a time, and live in each moment. I forget I am one person. I start living on auto pilot. The great philosophical guru Osho declared, "Get out of your head and get into your heart. Think less, feel more."
I've never died from one, or two, or a weeks worth of bad days. As a matter of fact, I've gotten through 100% of my bad days. That's not too shabby! I'm tenacious like that! You are too! And just like that thin purple line on the darkened horizon wins out over night, so too can our good days win out over the dark bad ones.
http://revolutionofastayathomemom.blogspot.com/2014/07/one-day-at-time.html?m=1
In the mean time, I thought it would be fun to get a journal that the family can use each day where we write and talk about things that we were grateful for that day. I have a feeling that being more grateful for ALL things will open doors that were currently glued shut. We went to Target today to find a gratitude journal (and I NEVER go to Target!) and I am very picky about picking out a journal. It can't be just any. It has to FEEL right. Then there it was....the PERFECT journal. It felt like God handed it to me and said, "this journal was made just for you."
It's bright orange and it has gratitude quotes and writing prompts in it. P.E.R.F.E.C.T. I know God was mindful of me today. I needed that physical and real assurance that He is in the details of my life. I just need to work on being more aware and in tune with that.
We have a lot of good things that are headed our way. It's just a matter of hanging on a little bit longer. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment