William Rowley's Birth Story

I feel like there is so much that happened during the pregnancy and birth experience that it's a bit overwhelming to sit down and put it all to paper so for the time being...I'm just going to keep it short and simple.

I decided to have an unassisted pregnancy and birth this pregnancy (meaning no doctor appointments at all and no midwife/doula present when baby was being born). I have had three very healthy pregnancies before and it's just something that I wanted to do. (more on that later...just don't have the energy to get into all that right now).

The only appointment I had this pregnancy was an ultrasound when I was in Utah back in June. The estimated due date that was given was August 9th (my moms birthday!). I didn't remember exactly when my last period was (but I was pretty sure it was in the beginning of December sometime) so I felt a bit lost the entire pregnancy on how far along I was, especially when August 9th came and went and then a week and another week and so forth. I finally had the realization that hit me squarely in the eyes one night that the due date was definitely way off...most likely by a month. That was insanely frustrating because I was so mentally/physically done at that point but then it also helped to realize that at least I wasn't like three weeks over.

For the past week I would have Braxton Hicks and that was crazy exciting!! Meant I was getting closer and surely a good sign that I couldn't be pregnant forever. (TMI..) Every time I would use the restroom I would look for the mucus plug and on Thursday September 1st, I finally saw a small amount of blood. Eekk!! Another good sign I was getting closer. During the night of the 2nd I woke up with a really strong contraction and after getting through that I just verbally said "today is the day, isn't it, baby?" which startled me a bit because somehow I just knew we would be meeting baby that day.

I officially lost the mucus plug in the morning (which I of course had to show Justin and the kids) and continued to have contractions throughout the day. Justin had been at home the day before and that day with a fever...super crappy timing. We both needed each other but couldn't really help each other out much. By about 7 pm things started to really pick up. The kids would be going to bed soon, which was a huge relief because when it came down to it I definitely didn't want them around when I was going through contractions. Justin did a great job at keeping them busy and letting me do my thing.

I pretty much labored by myself the entire time, which was totally ok because I don't know how Justin could have helped me through each contraction anyways. I was a bit shocked how insanely painful each contraction was. Truth be told, I had done a lot of  reading and researching and learned that birth does not have to be painful and my goodness...I so wanted with everything I had to experience a pain free birth. If others could do it then so could I! Apparently I have some more mental beliefs to break through to make that a reality because it took everything I had to get through those contractions. The technique that helped the most was moaning very loudly/deeply through each contraction. I am surprised that the boys were able to fall asleep through all the noise that I was making but hey, at least I wasn't screaming like I was when I was having Max so I'll take that as a huge step of improvement from doing it naturally last time to this time.

I labored in the bathtub which usually helps people but it didn't seem to help me at all and I think that was because the water wasn't deep enough so note to self for next time...birthing pool for sure! Wait!? Am I seriously already thinking about next time?? sheesh...
I kept getting anxiety attacks during contractions. I knew that even if I wanted to go to the hospital at that point to get an epidural (which was a thought with each contraction), I knew that it was too late and I just had to endure. Who's idea was to do it naturally anyways!??!

All of a sudden it was time to push. I don't know if I experienced the fetal rejection thingy that I had read about but all I know is that my body was taking over and was doing everything it could to get baby out. Justin did an excellent job talking me through it and letting me know that baby's head was out and to focus and keep pushing. I'm pretty sure baby came out after three insanely intense pushes.

This is where things got a little crazy....I quickly took note that baby was a boy but was pretty much out of it after that. It wasn't like all the many home birth videos I had seen where mom was alert and having a great spiritual bonding moment with baby and family. The entire bathtub was red...I was loosing a lot of blood and I was constantly on the verge of passing out. I was shacking (absolutely freezing) so badly due to the amount of blood I had lost. I had baby on my tummy but I couldn't hold him and love on him like I so wanted to. He was a little blue at first and very quiet but I knew that he was ok and was going to be just fine. It was I that was the issue.. :( Justin called 911 and luckily an ambulance was about a mile away from us at that time. Usually if takes about 15/20 minutes for us to get anywhere and so to have an ambulance that just happened to be passing by our neighborhood was nothing short of a miracle.  A neighbor and church friend saw the ambulance and rushed over to see what they could do to help (so so so thankful for that!). Thankful that we had someone to be there to watch the kids so Justin could come with me to the hospital. Oh...quick note...Kyra was awake and was there for the birth. I feel so bad because she was super excited and wanted to hold him right away and didn't know what was going on. It was a huge blessing to have Kyra awake because she was able to run downstairs and unlock the door for the EMT people so Justin could be with me every second.

Anyway, so we were rushed to the nearest hospital (fist ambulance ride for me...and hopefully the last). The doctors/nurses did their thing and I was soon doing much better. Apparently I tore UP instead of down (this has been my hardest recovery so far...). Baby was 10 lbs and 8 oz...no wonder! I was not expecting to have such a big baby. A month ago I had to go to the ER because I had weird cyst thingy on my perineum and wanted to make sure that everything was ok. It was an inclusion cyst and thankful ended up going away a couple weeks ago. For awhile I was super worried about it being around during the birth and it bursting and causing an infection. While I was at the ER that time, they got some blood work done and the doctors at this hospital were able to use that information. I don't remember what it was called but I had some type of infection and so they had to baby in the hospital for 48 hours to watch and make sure he was ok.

The doctor said that the loss of blood was most likely due to the tear in my labia and not so much from the birth canal so that was good. I didn't need a blood transfusion. She also told me that I was very lucky that the baby didn't get stuck and that we both didn't die. This is where it gets really emotionally hard for me and I feel really withdrawn right now.... the entire pregnancy I prayed and exerted the most faith that i have ever had in my entire life. I have never felt closer to God than I did while preparing for the birth. It was a very faith strengthening and spiritual experience. I wanted to 100% put trust in God and do everything on my part to prepare for a good birth experience. For it to turn how the way that it did...I feel...abandoned? but at the same time I can not deny all the miracles that happened for everything to turn out the way that it did. I feel torn. I feel like the rug was pulled out from under me and at the same time I can not deny that God was with me/us the entire journey. "everything works out for me in my best interest".  I also feel really really really bad for putting Justin through such a traumatic experience. :( At one point he thought he was going to lose me and didn't know what to do.

It didn't exactly go how I had hoped and thought it would but many lessons learned from this experience. Next time, we'll have a midwife AND a doula (and a birth photographer?!)...and a birthing pool. :) I still love the idea of birthing at home and fully support that. I don't feel that birthing at home is dangerous but not having a midwife, in my case, was. The midwife would have been able to see where the bleeding was coming from and been able to address that quickly.

I look forward to a more positive birth experience next time (hopefully not for another 3 ish years down the road). :) In the mean time, I am going to work on being gentle with myself with how this went and just be thankful for all the miracles that we experienced in order for it to all go the way that it did.

I am so thankful to finally have William Rowley Kendall here with us. He is absolutely perfect and I love him so so much!!